your father and i both knew i was pregnant relatively soon. too soon. i was so anxious to know for sure! i had discovered bella vie through aleina's birth photos, and knew that i wanted to birth there. we went out for a tour, figured out insurance things, and off we went! i am so very thankful to have had the ability to go to bella vie, especially with insurance! my pregnancy with you, little miss sunshine was pretty easy. i mean, there were definitely stressors, but overall, it was smooth. i was healthy, hydrated, not swollen at all, and i felt great! i had a little belly (which i promptly missed having hehe).
i am up saturday morning, 19 november - your due date - before the sun as usual. typical glass of water, trip to the bathroom, wandering/reading until sleepiness sets back in. when i finally get back into bed and comfortable, i feel my uterus cramp! something i hadn't experienced in about forty weeks (: it was about 515, and i went back to sleep. i can't remember when we woke up, but i had a few more light cramps around seven-something, and i told aaron that you would be here in the next 24 hours. he said something like 'or so you hope' but i absolutely knew...yet it took awhile for that to set in! i got up and showered and hung around the house. the waves were light and slow all morning, and all in my back. anytime a wave would come, i would lean on the counter, table, bed, whatever was closest! he was so great about applying counterpressure to my lower back. i gave karla the heads up around two-something, and let her know i'd had waves 45 mins apart and waves 2 mins apart, and she just said to keep her in the loop. the day consisted of lots of hypnobabies, walking, some eating, some napping, and lots of leaning! and more hypnobabies. around seven in the evening, hypnobabies was getting harder to focus in on and the waves more intense, so i started to watch the clock. 35-55 seconds every 6-8 minutes, and every 3-6 minutes around nine. karla said to let her know when they reached 60-90 seconds every 3-4 minutes, and we'd meet at bella vie. i can already tell i'm somewhat fighting it though...we touched base around eleven, still more than five apart, but i am so wanting to be in the water! i had aaron respond to her check-in just before one, waves still shy of a minute but every 4, and i am fighting them and can feel that's why they're still short, and i want to go to bella. she says we'll meet out there.
we arrive just before two am (the car ride was so not as bad as i expected (: hehe), and karla turns on the heat and gets the tub filling. she checks my cervix (i'm nervous she's going to say 4 and i have a ways to go!) but to both our surprise, i am at 8cm! we are impressed. i get into the tub, and reality sets in. she says she's going to assemble my birth team (all i can think is 'birth team assembllleeee' hahaha) and aaron puts on hypnobabies. he and karla are both applying counter pressure, reminding me to breathe, etc. i move so much.....on hands and knees, leaned over the tub, leaned back into aaron and against the tub, i felt like i just couldn't get comfortable! so relaxed though. the hypnobabies...oh, i love it! it helps me so much! and aaron is blowing cool air on my face, splashing water on me, holding me up, letting me squeeze his hand. i'm thinking i'm talking to everyone (i now know most of that was in my head haha), and just in lalalaborland. it's an unusual place to be. totally new, completely inside myself. love it(: during a few waves i think to myself, 'even right now, in this intense moment, i don't want anything for pain.' (so proud of self!) karla says not to push unless i can't help it, so i am pushing down with arms and legs into the tub, and she and aaron are helping me to sound out low vowels to help with expelling pain, and ms. hypnobaby lady is reminding me of my anesthesia. but eventually, in the moment, i decide i want out of the tub. my body is so tired from holding itself up during waves that i just want to have support other than my muscles. i'm not really sure where it is i want to go....so to the bed it is. that lasted all of a few minutes, thankfully - that hurt. then one of my birth team (which consists of karla, des, kelsey, celeste, and a lady i don't know for insurance purposes) suggests i get on the birthing stool. as i walk over, i'm thinking, 'no way in hell i'm getting on that thing, YOU get on it! no, not doing it, it looks terrible' as i squat onto it. (: it was actually not bad at all! aaron is supporting me behind (though i had really wanted him to catch, i told him not to move) and des ready for you to make your entrance...i pushed for all of ten-fifteen and you arrived into this world! i think we guesstimated the time, but 451am sunday 20 november, 2011 my sun rises. i so wish i had felt your head, but so many hands were down there i didn't want to get in the way (regret). oooh, my beautiful girl. i get to pull you onto me, into me, my immense, immediate love for you just exploding out of me. ahhh. best moment of my life. little champ nurser too. and so awake and aware. we just laid in bed, the three of us, for probably four hours. i'll always dislike that i wasn't there for weighing/measuring/cutting the cord, our connection, what held us literally together (i was taking a shower). the lady i didn't know asked if we could 'just cut the cord now' only a couple of minutes after your birth! i told her no! it's not ready yet! (: i'll regret not having your placenta encapsulated, to give so many nutrients back to my body and help with the stress i had no idea was to come. but, live and learn. and, it went to a good cause either way. (: i'll always regret not getting your footprints when you were born. and i sometimes wish i would have stayed in the tub, so you could transition into the water and float around, my little water lady. but, i also don't really wish for any of it to be different because it was such an amazing experience and i loved it so very much. so life-changing. i loved giving birth to you. so intimate, and brimming with love.
we stayed one night at bella. it was so lovely. we took an herbal bath all three of us, relaxed, ate, and enjoyed our little bundle of sunshinelove. early early monday morning i'm awake with you, and i'm super warm so we've had the door cracked, and i see a shadow woman glide across the courtyard area, with a baby in her arms, pause and look in at us, and continue gliding. i almost woke your father, but i realized she had a very positive energy. i will never forget, she was just watching over, checking in, with her baby in arms, and you in mine, and it is so crisp and chill and clear outside...such a great moment. calm and peaceful. ah, sunshine, your birth is definitely the best day of my life. though every day since compares, i just loved it. everything about it. giver of life. bringer of my sunshine, the light of my life, my freedom. (:
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| [the first photo of us three. oooh i miss this day!] |
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| [a tear in my eye, i'm so in love with you, babygirl, light of my life, my little sunshine. <3] |
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